I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
