Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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