Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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