OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
