end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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