If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
