We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
