so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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