not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize