Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
