when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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