Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think your dad took our porno
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
