I need help removing her.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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