bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
