Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
honey bunches of taint.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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