We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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