dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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