"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
