I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
