i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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