While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize