dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
