If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
