Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
