More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
