Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
