I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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