he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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