Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
