i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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