Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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