he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
