pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
