It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
