Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize