Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
