respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
