Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
