everyone is single if you try hard enough
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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