If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need moral support for this bender
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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