I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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