not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am midnight drunk by noon
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
