Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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