I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
