Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize