i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
