matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
