I think my vagina is haunted
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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