The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
