Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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