He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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