i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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