and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
