i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
