you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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