weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
