we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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