I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
