Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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