I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
