I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
