In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I look better un-naked...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
