I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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