i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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